Stomach Uclers
by NobodyJinx
Summary: Also known as the one time I create kick ass characters and they join the ninja life
1. Literally Not My Name

"My parents came from Suna" I stated during our spar, ducking under Matsu's leg and sending a punch towards Satori's open stomach.

"Wait what?" Satori questioned blocking my punch with his arm and knocking me back into Matsu. "They're immigrants?"

"Ass you don't just say someone's parents are immigrants" Matsu added as he kicked at my back to get me off. I rolled off of him sending a biting glare at the broad shouldered boy.

"I mean yeah they're immigrants" I offered with a shrug as I ran at Satori again. "They came to Konoha when Suna's economic depression was in its beginning stages"

"Really? That's pretty cool" Matsu commented as I kicked Satori in the gut barely even winding the mammoth of a male.

 _Fucking hypocrites_ I thought to myself _both of these fucks_

"Idiot. Economic depressions aren't 'cool'" Satori bit out grabbing my arm and tossing me up as if I weighed nothing. Now airborne I adjusted myself adding chakra to my weights as I fell back down towards Matsu.

"Well it's cool that because of the depression Touya's parents came to Konoha. What if they hadn't left? No awesome Tou-san" Matsu speculated before falling victim to my air attack.

"Please don't call me your father" I returned blandly jumping off using him as a launching pad and rocketing towards Satori, for once catching him off guard with a roundhouse to the chest.

"It's a fetish Touya. There's nothing you can do" Satori commented as he grabbed ahold of my ankles and began spinning me around.

"Not even!" the other boy protested over the shriek of laughter I let out as I was launched out towards the pond.

"Why're you always calling Touya 'Tou-san' then?" Satori shot back as they began fighting. I hit the water with a splash, resurfacing quickly clothes and hair plastered to me.

"Oi Tsu-chan if ya gotta thing for me just say so!" I called out, circulating chakra to my hands and feet as I pulled myself out of the water. Matsu sputtered incoherently as Satori let loose a series of loud guffaws.

"You-I-" he tried to explain in between the sputtering before launching himself as Satori with a roar of curses.

"Getting kinky without me?" I cat called the grappling two before charging at them with a war cry.

"Idiots!" Matsu grunted from his position atop of us. Satori and I merely groaned in pain admitting defeat with a tap of the floor.

"I can't breath asshole" I wheezed from beneath the combined weight of my admittedly huge team mates.

"Oh shit. Matsu get off already" Satori ordered bucking in effort to get the other off.

"Sorry Tou-san" said male apologized getting off quickly and pushing Satori off of me.

"Fine" I gasped rolling over as I tried to control my breathing.

"Hold still I want to make sure we didn't break anything" Satori the mammoth ordered as he placed a hand covered in healing chakra against my back.

"Best way to go though. Dying due to a threesome" I joked throwing them a grin and Matsu made a face at me while Satori rolled his eyes.

"Yeah then we'd have to explain that we were having inter-team relationships between the three of us" Satori commented dryly as he removed his hand. "You're good by the way"

"Thanks" I groaned rolling around the grass a few more times before dragging the two down with me.

"You're like a dog I swear" Matsu commented and I snorted patting his stomach.

"Y'all don't object though" I rebuked getting comfortable in between the two.

"For someone whose parents are Suna natives you're really cold" Satori informed me as my hands slid under his shirt.

"You two are like heaters though so it's good" I returned cheerfully digging my fingers into his side and throwing my legs over Matsu.

"Good for you" Satori huffed shuffling closer until I was neatly tucked in between them, my back pressed against someone's chest. I made a disappointed sound as my hands slipped out of his shirt.

"If you kick me I swear I'll end you Touya" Matsu threatened his chest vibrating with his words and I hummed in agreement.

"If one of you gets a stiffy I'm kicking yer ass" I returned patting Satori's chest before digging my hands back into his shirt.

"'S not like your a bombshell beauty Tou-chan" Matsu remarked draping an arm over me to rest on Satori's back.

"Aw Tsu-chan you know you like them small and perky" Satori stated and I chocked on my spit.

"Small and perky not flat as a little boy!" Matsu barked as I started wheezing for air and surprised laughter.

"Idiots" I sighed fondly and they grunted falling silent. I closed my eyes in bliss enjoying the way the sun warmed my skin and the way Satori and Matsu's breathing fell in sync with my own.

 _This I want to keep forever_ I decided to myself silently _no matter what I want to keep doing this_


	2. Literally Not My Name (Genin Year 1)

I stared at Hiro-sensei doing my best to ignore my team mates who just kept staring.

"I was told to infiltrate as a performer" I repeated nervously licking my lips. "I just thought being a dancer would be the easiest way to attract the targets attention"

"In the red light?" his voice sounded strained as if it was unnatural to see your student dancing proactively.

"Well intel stated that he came to this particular house so I just thought-"

"Please just don't **think** Touya" came his exasperated reply and I bowed my head in shame.

"Wait so Tou-san is actually a girl?"

my eye twitched and my head snapped up to stare at my dumb ass team mate.

"You fucker what do you mean _actually a girl_?" I snarled at the broad shouldered idiot.

"W-well it's just that you didn't really look like a girl you know" the second idiot tried to defend this kin.

"I-what? I was pretty sure I looked feminine enough" I complained "I mean how do you ignore these?" I motioned at my chest which made the three males avert their gazes awkwardly.

"I thought it was a henge?" sensei offered weakly.

"I mean it is" I explained releasing the disguise and they all made faces of disbelief at me. "I know I'm super flat chested I was yanking your guys chain"

"Idiot" the two idiots chimed and I stuck my tongue out at them.

"At least I got the target's attention" I retorted and sensei paused.

"What?" he asked hollowly and I smiled proudly handing him the note that I had gotten minutes before their arrival.

"I've been requested for the night. I can get close to him without raising suspicion" I informed him puffing my chest out importantly.

"Touya-chan, I'm not sure how to feel about this. You're father will kill me when he finds out" Sensei said slowly and I pouted slightly.

"I'll deal with Tou-chan if anything. I don't want to mess up this mission sensei" I replied before turning to the vanity provided to me.

"Tou-chan's got this sensei don't worry!" Matsu interjected before sensei could open his mouth again.

"See? Even the idiot of Matsu agrees" I commented grabbing the tube of poison and rolling it over my painted lips.

"That's what I'm worried about" Sensei sighed exasperatedly before leaving the note on the vanity. "Come back to the hotel when you're done" with those parting words sensei left the room.

"Be careful Touya" Satori offered meeting my eyes through the mirror and I smiled at him warmly.

"Always Sato-chan" I replied turning around and hugging him carefully. I stepped back and watched as he left the room as well.

"Maybe you should the henge on forever Tou-san" Matsu stated with a shit eating grin and I scowled at him.

"Fuck off asshole" I all but snarled and he laughed bringing me into a hug.

"Don't let that sleaze ball take advantage of you Touya" he said before taking his leave a well. I stood there in shock before smiling widely.

"Thanks guys. I'll be careful"


	3. He Burns Houses

"Hokage-sama" I bowed deeply and had planned on staying that way ready to apologize for the disaster my roommate had caused because he was already weeks late on doing so himself, when the door slammed open and a blonde blur raced towards the Hokage. I almost jumped to attack the blur only to belatedly realize the ANBU hadn't sprung into action, so the kid wasn't a threat.

"Ojī-san!" the blur shouted, vaulting over the desk and onto the Hokage's lap. Said 'ojī-san' sighed exasperatedly like he wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Naruto, you're supposed to wait outside when I'm busy" the Hokage scolded the boy who didn't even look ashamed. I kept _staring_ 'cause this kid had the balls to call the _Hokage_ 'ojī-san'.

"It's boring waitin outside!" Naruto complained and I almost laughed at the ridiculous face he made.

"Ryouta, this is my pseudo grandson Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto this is Ume Ryouta" Hokage-sama introduced us and we both stared at each other.

"Sup kiddo, as Hokage-sama said I'm Ume Ryouta and I'm actually allergic to plums" I introduced myself giving the kid my best smile and a peace sign. I looked at him only to blink in surprise at the suspicious face he made at me.

".. Are you a boy or a girl?" he asked with such seriousness that was out of place that I couldn't help but wanting to tease him.

"I'm both yet neither one" I answered as mysteriously as I could which I guessed was good enough 'cause the kid became all starry eyed in wonder.

"Are you magic? Are you an alien? Or a ghost?" Naruto bombarded me with questions and I chuckled mysteriously again.

"That's highly classified between the Hokage and myself" I returned and immediately he turned to Hokage-sama with puppy eyes.

"Please ojī-san, can you tell me if Ryouta-san is a magic ghost alien?" Naruto persuaded and the Hokage merely fixed his hat before giving the boy a smile ten times more mysterious than my own.

"As the Hokage, I must keep the secrets of my shinobi Naruto-kun" he claimed not answering the question and I almost lost my composure at the look Naruto was making.

"Cheer up kiddo. Someday you'll know" I told him comfortingly. "When you're at the same clearance level that is"

"Ah! Ryouta-san is actually a butthole!" Naruto exclaimed pointing at me accusingly and I wheezed losing composure.

"Me? A butthole?" I howled clutching my stomach as I doubled over in laugher. "Butthole Ryouta?!"

"Hey! It's not funny you're supposed to be offended!" Naruto continued, jumping off of Hokage-sama's lap yell at me some more. I glanced at his face again and I snorted my sides heaving.

"I-I'm so offended r-right now" I confirmed wiping my eyes with a sigh. "That was a good laugh. Thanks kiddo" I ruffled Naruto's hair and turned to Hokage-sama who was hiding a smile behind his hand.

"Meanie" Naruto muttered pushing my hand off his head and scampering back to Hokage-sama.

"May I be excused Hokage-sama? I'd rather get back before Hi-chan explodes the apartment again" I requested and the Hokage smiled in amusement apparently finding the idea of my roommate exploding our apartment once more hilarious.

"I expect the report in by tomorrow Ryouta" he stated with a nod.

"Yes sir" I relied with a bow of thanks before I gave Naruto a grin. "Cya kid"

"Bye butthole!" Naruto returned as I walked over to the open window and jumped out leaping to the roofs. If I did so in such a way that I would look cool, then it was merely fated to look cool today.

"Still got them sick moves" I mused to myself and just as I landed on the next roof an explosion sounded in the same area where the apartment was. "God dammit not again" I took off even faster towards the now destroyed home, hoping to God that it wasn't our apartment.

"Oh, you're home" my roommate stated blandly like he wasn't holding a fucking melting pot in one hand and standing in the middle of the rubble.

" _Again_? Really you had to blow our home up again?" I shouted exasperatedly, throwing my hand up into the air.

"I was only trying to boil water" Hiroshi defended himself still holding the pot. I groaned loudly rubbing the heels of my palms into my eyes.

"Hiroshi all my clothes was here" I stated slowly. "I only have two changes of clothes in my scroll you motherfucker!" Somewhere along the lines of stress I snapped and lunged at Hiroshi, intent on drawing blood with my bare hands.

"Ryo-chan! Let's be reasonable adults here!" Hiroshi helped dodging my attack and defending himself from the spray of sebon.

"Fuck you and your 'reasonable adults' bullshit!" I snarled throwing more sebon at him. "This is the second time Hiroshi. The second!"

"It was an accident!" he defended trying to brain me with the still hissing pot.

"This is why Hokage-sama let us live in a fucking apartment away from over buildings and uninhabited! Cause you keep blowing our fucking shit up!" I shouted landing a punch on the idiot even though his pit caught me in the side. "I want a fucking house that you won't blow up!"

"I'll get us one! I swear this time!" Hiroshi wailed ducking my kick and I paused in my attack.

"With a working kotatsu?" I asked softly and he nodded desperately.

"Y-yeah! I'll even get one with a hot spring if it makes you feel better!" he promised and I nodded relaxing.

"Working kotatsu and a hot spring. Or I'll find a new roommate" I stated and he nodded, slowly lowering his pot. "Also you're dealing with the ANBU this time. I'm gonna go to the bathhouse"

"Yeah ANBU" Hiroshi replied faintly and I whistled under my breath as I walked away to relax.

I walked away from the ruined apartment and the stress-inducing Hiroshi. Why I still lived with him was the question not even a genius could figure out, honestly.


	4. Cherry and the Peach

Touya stared at Kakashi in disbelief. "Yer crazy right? Ya want _me_ of all people to help straighten your lil student?" she asked of her life long friend.

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure about this. Sakura needs a lot of help and you were the only person I think can help her" he replied nonchalantly eyes still locked onto the pages before him.

"'Kashi-chan ya flatter me so" Touya sniffled wiping nonexistent tears from her eye. "Ya got yerself a deal I'll help ya lil bean out"

"Don't call me that please" Kakashi requested blandly and the woman grinned widely.

"Show me your lil bean 'Kashi-chan" she ordered ignoring his request. With a dramatic sigh, the book was put away into his vest and he motioned for her to follow him.

"Let's go before Gai hears about this" he stated making Touya's grin become more pronounced.

"Gai's pretty cool yknow" she commented following Kakashi.

"Because you scare him with your 'unyouthfulness'" Kakashi recalled putting a finger to his masked chin and Touya smirked.

"I 'member that time heh" she chuckled, a dark aura shrouding her minutely. "Who knew Gai could scream that high?"

"Right" Kakashi replied expressionless before doing a complete 180. "Cya in five" with that he disappeared with a puff of smoke leaving only a few leaves. Touya blinked at the place where Kakashi had once stood before it finally hit her. " **KA-KA-SHI!** " she bellowed taking to the rooftops leaving behind bewildered and scared civilians.

* * *

"Ya left me!" Touya complained seconds after managing to find her wayward friend. "I thought ya were gonna lead me not leave me"

"My apologies" Kakashi replied eye curving happily in a way that told her he didn't mean it.

"Uh Sensei..." Touya blinked turning to the speaker and she stared shamelessly. "Did ya dye yer hair?" she asked bluntly of the little girl.

"What? No it's natural!" she protested eyebrow twitching and Touya leaned closer ignoring the way the girl stiffened. Touya grabbed a piece of her hair and stared at it before taking a sniff.

"Huh.." she muttered before releasing the piece. "Ya don't smell like hair dye an' it ain't a henge"

"Obviously" the little girl grumbled irritated before she rounded on Kakashi, who had been watching with ill concealed amusement. "Sensei! You told me to come at six and it's ten now!" the little spitfire scolded him before changing her tune. "Sasuke-kun must've had to deal with Naruto all by himself! I hope I can reach him in time" when the girl began turning to leave Touya's hand reached out and snagged her from the collar of her red, and really who let this girl become a ninja in red, dress. The girl didn't like this and immediately rounded on her most likely to yell before Touya slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Can't do lil bean. Yer now my responsibility till Kakashi says so" she told the girl blandly watching as she seemed to go through a cycle of emotions.

"Ah okay. You've got this yeah?" Kakashi asked speaking at last and Touya grimaced slightly.

"Ya sure Hokage-sama won't yell at me?" she asked instead.

"Uh huh" he replied his eye conveying the 'don't worry' that hung unsaid. Touya looked at the girl who continued to glare at her.

"I've got this no worries. I ain't so old that a small bean like this could hurt me" Touya replied with a grin bringing the girl to her chest in a pseudo hug.

"Okay. Sakura behave for your temporary sensei" Kakashi ordered before disappearing again.

"Sakura eh? Pretty unoriginal if ya ask me.." Touya commented even as she let go of the girl who whirled to look at with what she probably thought was a murderous glare. Touya thought it made her look like an adorable little pink bean. "'Kay since Kakashi left ya in my care- run eight laps around that lil pond"

"Eight? Kakashi-sensei doesn't make me do eight!" Sakura protested with a hint of a whine in her voice. Touya blinked down at the girl before frowning.

"What if an enemy chased ya for more than an hour? How're ya gonna survive if all ya can run is one lap?" she asked feeling disappointment towards Kakashi's 'training'. The man was a damn good jōnin but apparently when it came to teaching genin his skills didn't apply.

"Sasuke-kun will save me _of course_." the girl replied looking at Touya like she had done something unsightly in front of Hokage-sama.

"And what if he can't? Ya boy Sasuke is a genin, the _lowest_ ranking ninja at the moment. He ain't one of the sanin kid." Touya told her frown deepening at Sakura's train of thought. Why the girl thought her team mate would always be there to save her was a perplexing and dangerous way of thinking. Touya didn't want to be the one to burst the girl's bubble but it appeared she would for her academy teachers hadn't and Kakashi didn't know how to or just didn't want to.

"He's Sasuke-kun, he can do _anything_." Sakura insisted with a furrow of her brows. Touya's brows lifted in disbelief and she put her hands on her hips.

"How 'bout ya run yer laps an' then we talk?" she offered instead of continuing the conversation which would've probably went on for a good amount of time. "An' to motivate ya how 'bout ya boy Sasuke joins ya?" Touya bribed forming a seal and smirking in satisfaction as a clone appeared looking exactly like the girl's Uchiha teammate.

"Hmph! I already know it's a henge that idiot Naruto tried doing the same thing." Sakura scoffed tossing some of her hair over her shoulder. Then she paused. "But I'll do it if only to get used to training with Sasuke-kun." Touya snorted in amusement and waved her clone forward.

"Run eight laps with the girl." she ordered. "Don't dispel after yer gonna help her train."

"You got it boss." her clone replied with a nod before giving the girl a smirk. "Do your best Sakura-chan." the clone encouraged her before taking off. "

Yes!" Sakura stated with enthusiasm before she followed after the clone.

"Dammit Kakashi yer makin' my life harder than it should be." Touya sighed watching the girl and the clone run around the pond. She ruffled her hair in frustrated exasperation and looked up at the sky with a groan. "Sensei..." _what would you do with a student like Sakura?_


	5. Walking Towards the Sun

_"No! I-I hate you! I wi-ish you would just die!"_ Another sob wracked his frame as the words and sounds replayed in his mind.

 _Hinayana's look of hurt and wide eyes_

"I-I didn't mean it." he cried, hiccuping roughly as his sobs began anew gaining strength in each one. "Ple-ease come back!"

 _"I'm sorry I can't make it Hino," Hinayana paused. "Maybe when I come back we can celebrate?" Hinayana looked at him hopefully and a little sadly waiting for his reply._

 _"It's not the same! Can't you stay?"_

 _"...I can't. I'm sorry."_

"Hino-kun..." someone placed their hand on his shoulder and he batted it away with a choked sob.

"Hinayana's gonna come home any minute! 'S just lost 'ca-ause the world's so-so beautiful." Hino sobbed wiping his face roughly, ignoring the man behind him.

 _"Everything I can't be is everything you should be Hino." Hinayana whispered dropping a kiss on his forehead. "So remember to come home even after you grow up okay?"_

Hino screamed with every single fiber of rage and sorrow he felt. He let himself fall to the floor, he tore at the grass, his hair and his face. Hinayana was _supposed_ to come home, it wasn't _fair it just wasn't._

"Hino-kun, it's time to go home" the man informed him after he tired himself out. Hino's eyes hurt when he blinked and he was sure that his boogers were dried on his face along with the tears.

"I can't go home until Hinayana gets here." he replied hoarsely, blinking slowly at the darkened sky. The man made a small sound at the back of his throat and left it at that.

 _"Hey Hino! I brought you some grilled cactus pads!"_

 _"Oi Hi-chan, don't forget to wear your jacket it's pretty chilly outside."_

 _"Ah Hino did you get sick? I'll make you some special sick soup!"_

 _"Hino... I'm glad you're here."_

 _"I love you Hino, take care of yourself when I'm gone okay?"_

 _"Hi-chan, love you."_

 _"I love you kiddo."_

Hino gave a wet sniffle as his eyes began burning with the now familiar burn of unshed tears. "Hey Hinayana..." he began as his tears began running. "I love you too." Hino stayed silent for a moment, enjoying the way the breeze felt against his face. He giggled wetly, wiping his face again. "Remember that one time you brought crabs home and you had to take me to the hospital?"

 _"Hey Hino-o! I got us some crabs for dinner!"_

 _"Oh Kami-sama Hino are you okay? Hold on kiddo I got you!"_

"You were so scared I thought you were gonna cry." Hino sniffed again, rubbing his nose with his sleeve. Unbidden, Hinayana's bright smile came to mind and Hino's lips twitched into a trembling smile. "You were pretty cool then." _I guess._

"Hino-kun I think it's time to go now. You can come back again tomorrow." the man spoke again, gentler this time and Hino sat up slowly suddenly feeling _tired._

"Ah... Yeah I'd like to go home please." Hino replied as he rubbed his eyes free of tears and of sleep. _Home_. Home was where Hinayana was but now Hinayana wasn't there so Hino supposed home would have to be a place without Hinayana.

 _"What makes homes special is that you either live there with the people you love or you have memories of the people you loved." Hinayana explained to him after he asked what made their home different from the clan's homes._ _"Sometimes, sometimes a home is just a person. Like you."_

 _"What? How am I like a home?"_

 _"Well, you're the person I love and I have good memories with you so even if we don't have a roof above us, you're my home Hino."_

"-ino-kun? Hino-kun, are you alright?" the man asked worriedly from in front of him. Hino blinked in surprise and managed a weak smile.

"Yeah, sorry I got distracted." he replied standing up and slowly brushing the dirt and trash clinging to him. "So you're gonna take me home?"

"Yes, let's go." the man, unlike Hinayana, didn't offer to give him a piggyback ride nor did he use the transporting technique Hinayana used. Hino followed after the man in a slow shuffling walk, now feeling the emotional drain physically.

"Um, do you know how Hinayana...?" Hino trailed off, unsure how to ask about the circumstances of Hinayana's death. The man in front of him looked up at the night sky as if in thought.

"Hinayana-san was very brave on the battlefield. The team was surrounded by Kumo ninja and they couldn't fight them all so Hinayana-san told the other allied ninja to run away," the man stopped walking and talking to turn around and look him in the eyes. "Hinayana-san committed a suicide bombing to save the lives of other ninjas Hino-kun. Reportedly, Hinayana-san's last words were 'Love you Hi-chan'." Oh. _Oh._ Hino's breath caught in his throat as his eyes began burning again. Hinayana's last words were _'love you'_ but his last words had been _'I wish you would just die'._

"R-really?" Hino asked, a small sob hitching his voice. The man nodded face carefully blank as Hino started crying silently, gnashing his teeth to keep it so. "H-Hinayana alw-ays said that heading towards the sun was really pr-etty. I-I guess that's a-as close to the sun Hinayana cou-ld get to." Hino managed to explain in between the hitches of his voice as he fought not to make a sound.

"Tomorrow Hinayana-san's name is going to be added to the Memorial Stone," the man began slowly as if coming up with his words after he opened his mouth. "I'm sure if you ask you can do the honors of adding Hinayana-san's name to the stone." Hino looked up at him with wide, red eyes as he wiped his tears away once more.

"D-do you really think so?" he asked uncertainly. The man hesitated for a moment before putting his hand on Hino's head and ruffling his hair carefully.

"... Yeah I do." Hino couldn't and didn't bother to stop the smile that bloomed to life on his lips.

 _"Always say your 'please' and 'thank you's Hino, it's kind of important kiddo."_

"Thank you."

 _Hey Hinayana, your leaving left a pretty big gap but I think I can fix that. I hope you walked towards the sun, I love you._


	6. Crabby Towards Walking

_Suna weather has nothing on this_ I thought contentedly enjoying the nice breeze the wind gave compared to the stifling heat that the desert village had to offer.

"H-ey! Hinayana! I found a crab!" Hino cried excitedly drawing me out of my thoughts.

"Hi-chan, we don't have crabs this deep in the country," I reminded him as he came closer and I paused staring at his hands. _That is a crab._ "Hi-chan, where'd you find the crab from?"

"It was all alone dragging some weird scroll around!" the six year old chirped in reply, uncaring of the crab's struggles to get free.

"Ah huh." I said. "Did you bring the scroll too?"

"Uh huh!" Hino replied holding the crab with one hand and producing a scroll from his back pocket. I took the scroll carefully and pulsed my chakra through it trying to get a feel of the scroll. The results left me confused so I decided to try another method.

"Hi-chan, why don't you go play with the crab while I check this out?" I suggested to Hino, watching as he did just that. I turned my attention back to the scroll and slowly unfurled it. _If it's trapped then Hino's scarred for life._ When nothing unsealed itself to attack me I leaned closer and studied the scroll. The markings of the scroll reminded me vaguely of Kakashi's summoning scroll for the cute dogs he had. My thoughts backtracked and I stared. _If this was a summoning scroll then that meant that the crab might be the summoning?_ I tried to think about the good points in having a crab summon; with it I could infiltrate Kiri and keep an eye on them or infiltrate any of the other villages where a crab wouldn't call upon much attention. The bad points of this particular summons however had me rethinking; it was possible of the crab being captured for food or another animal trying to eat it. I thought about it some more before shrugging and biting my index finger.

"The boss crab is going to be so huge though, I could probably ride on it." I murmured as I signed my name on the scroll watching as it suddenly became new looking. "Okay. Here it goes."

 _Boar-Dog-Bird-Monkey-Ram._

 _"Kuchiyose no Jutsu_!" The signature smoke of the jutsu puffed out into the air and I watched dumbfounded as a large- in my opinion- crab rose out of the smoke. "Oh my fuc-tions." I said managing to change the curse word at the last moment sending Hino a panicked glance only to see said boy staring at the crab in awe with the smaller one still in his grasp.

"Are you our summoner?" I turned my attention back to the crab and stood to bow politely, masking my bewilderment and own awe with ease.

"Yes, my name is Hinayana. It is a pleasure to meet you," I answered straightening out and looking at the crab as it bowed in return.

"I am Sukoshi ōkī kani. You may call me Sukoshi." the crab stated and I coughed to hide my laugh at the name. _A little bigger crab. The name is ridiculous I love it._

"Awesome! Sukoshi-san! You're so h-uge!" Hino exclaimed practically teleporting next to me as he looked up to the crab. I opened my mouth to reprimand Hino for probably offending the summon only to watch in even more bewilderment as Sukoshi-san waved their right claw in apparent embarrassment.

"P-please I'm only a little bigger crab! If you're impressed with me then you'll be blown away with Sarani-sama!" Sukoshi-san's embarrassment went away as they spoke the name with an amount of hero worship that Hino used when he spoke of Hokage-sama.

"Is Sarani-sama the _kanikingu_?" Hino gasped making me snort as he began stepping closer to the crab who paused scratching their carapace seemingly in thought.

"Ah, why yes I supposed Sarani-sama would be the _kanikingu_." Sukoshi-san replied, eyestalks bobbing once in what I interpreted as either a nod or a blink.

"So cool!" Hino cried going starry eyed at the idea of crab royalty.

"I don't mean to interrupt but are there regulations I need to follow before I can become your summoner?" I asked changing the subject before Hino could get any ideas that would leave nothing but sure disasters.

"Yes, ah, you must summon Sarani-sama and gain his approval through his difficult tasks." Sukoshi-san replied with the same eyes talk bob again. I nodded, rubbing my nose.

"Ah, Sukoshi-san. I am unsure if I will be able to support keeping you on this side and summon Sarani-sama, would you perhaps mind unsummoning so that I may call upon Sarani-sama?" I asked carefully wording myself as to not upset the crab.

"Oh yes certainly. Good day Hinayana-san and offspring. It was a pleasure to meet you." Sukoshi-san stated before disappearing in a another puff of smoke.

"I liked Sukoshi-san Hinayana! Can you summon the _kanikingu_?" Hino asked latching onto me after a moment and I looked down at him.

"Hi-chan, aren't you scared the crab'll fall?" I asked staring at the crab situated on his head.

"Nope! Saisho is okay!" Hino replied with a shake of his head to prove his point.

"Okay." I said leaving it at that not even bothering to ask about the name he had bestowed to the crab. "You might want to stand back a little Hi-chan, Sarani-sama is going to be bigger than Sukoshi-san." After making sure Hino was at least behind me I ran through the seals once more, drawing blood from my thumb this time.

" _Kuchiyose no Jutsu: Sarani-sama_!"

The smoke that followed my words was a lot more than what had appeared for Sukoshi-san, and as the summon stood I realized why.

"So co-o-ol!" Hino shouted throwing his arms up in excitement. _That is one big ass crab._

" **Who has summoned me?** " the crab who could only be Sarani-sama boomed and I raised my hand weakly before coming to the conclusion that the crab probably could not see me.

"Ah, I have summoned you! Are you Sarani-sama?" I shouted up to the crab. As ridiculous as it was I had to admit that Sarani-sama's legs were very nice looking for crab legs.

" **Where are you summoner?** " Sarani-sama demanded in return, legs moving as they shifted.

"Down here Sarani-sama!" _Why is this crab so huge, it's ridiculous when will I ever need to call upon them?_

"Woah!" Hino whooped and I snapped out of my contemplations to see Sarani-sama's claw sweep down at us.

"Don't sound happy about it!" I shouted at him as I picked him up and jumped onto the claw using chakra to stay onto it. Hino of course ignored my words and whooped once more as we were brought upwards to see Sarani-sama face to face.

" **I am Sarani ōkina kani** " Sarani-sama stated with the amount of pomp I had only heard from noble clients. Then the name hit me and I refrained myself from laughing. _An even bigger crab._ It was an understatement to say the least, Sarani-sama was clearly taller or about as tall as the Hashirama trees back home.

"I'm Hino and this Hinayana. Hey, hey. How tall are you Sarani-sama?" Hino asked once more bringing my heads out of the clouds. I stared at him a little horrified that he was talking to the boss crab so casually if Hino somehow managed to insult the huge crab we'd be done for-especially considering how high up we were.

" **I am taller than the trees that grow in Konohagakure child.** " Sarani-sama replied, moving their claw and bringing us up closer. " **I assume that Hinayana-san is our summoner and not you young Hino-kun?** "

"Uh huh! Hinayana summoned Sukoshi-san and then Sukoshi-san said 'ta summon you 'cause you're the _kanikingu!_ I love crabs Sarani-sama, I think they're so cute! I found the scroll and this crab- this is Saisho!" Hino rambled happily taking Saisho off his head and showing it off to Sarani-sama's eyestalks.

" **Greeting Saisho,** " Sarani-sama said humoring Hino. I worked my mouth soundlessly not being able to form words before finally clearing my throat.

"I apologize Sarani-sama, this is my first time meeting a summons of your size." I said bowing politely before straightening back up. "However I must ask, are there trials I must go through before becoming your permanent summoner?" After my question a tense silence settled around us. I shifted nervously getting ready in case I needed to grab Hino and hightail it off of Sarani-sama.

" **No... I have seen nothing but good in you Hinayana-san, the Crab Clan welcomes you as our summoner.** " Sarani-sama replied after a few heartbeats. " **Feel free to call upon us when you are in need of aid.** " after that Sarani-sama's claw moved again bringing us down onto solid land before they unsummoned themselves without another word. Hino and I stayed silent for three beats before he threw his arms up again, Saisho holding onto his shirt, and whooped.

"Hinayana! That was so cool!" he shouted making a circle. "Let's do it again!" I let my shoulders slump as I rubbed my forehead tiredly suddenly getting a headache.

"Let's... Let's wait some months yeah?" I asked rhetorically as I moved to sit back down at my original seat, picking up the scroll as I went. "I think I can eat my weight combined with yours..."

"Hinayana has crabs!" Hino screamed taking off with Saisho. I stared after him for a moment before suddenly feeling the urge to breakdown crying.

 _Crabs... Crabs are the cause of this all._


End file.
